Happy Birthday?

I spent the weekend at Ghost Ranch, hiking, meditating, reading, walking the labyrinth.  That's a story for a different post, I think.  But, you'd think that, after a weekend communing with nature and my inner child, I would come up with a meaningful dream on this, my 54th birthday morning.

Instead, I had this little piece of oddness:
I'm at work, and S does some silly passive aggressive thing.  I think she makes a comment that I am wasting my time on a task.  Subtext, I'm not really working.  R is not around, but a youth librarian from another branch is.  (I like that YL:  she got me hooked on The Lizzie Bennet Diaries, and is a genuinely cool person.  I think she's in the dream as a partisan witness.)  Instead of walking away or asking S what's going on, I totally LOSE IT!  I find myself blaring, "I am so tired of this crap!  It needs to stop now!!!"  and it goes downhill from there.

Here's the funny part though:  at the end of my tirade, S has agreed to take on the very task that she has been kvetching about.

(In real life, she would be crying or angry or both.  Actually, in real life, there is no way I would stand up for myself that way.  I would diplomatically explain my priorities and choices, if I said anything at all.  And nothing would change.)

I don't think about this, because I'm so appalled at myself, and the YL is even more so.  I apologize to everyone concerned and then try to contact the Asst. Director before anyone else can.  I wake up as we are discussing the situation.

It's an odd dream on many levels. I am not unhappy at work right now, S and R have been pleasant and collaborative, and I am feeling much more in control personally.  Off work I am content, and I am looking forward, planning a productive and useful future, with plenty of small joys scattered about.  In fact, there's a big shakeup in the future at work;  I may not be working with either S or R for long.  So, why did my dream self lose it?

Am I afraid to speak my truth?  Do I think that anger is the only way to do it?  Am I thinking of sabotaging my way out of this job?  Am I harboring resentment?

Or do I just not want to work on my birthday?