Getting lost

For some reason, I was telling a friend about my trip to Italy, and the truly epic ways in which I could get lost, despite an excellent map, guidebook, and brain.  Siena was the worst, because I was fresh off the train, tired, hungry, and looking for a place to stay.  The old town is a series of twisting circular streets, all leading to the Piazza.  I found the tourist place on the Piazza, but instead of calling for me, they gave me three addresses and sent me and my heavy 20-year-old pack into the cobbled streets.  The backpack was left over from my post-college one-month Eurail-hostel vagabondage, but the body was much less able to handle the weight.

The first stop, I recall, was at a blank door in the middle of an uncharming (for Siena) street.  I buzzed for the landlady, and a bald slatternly woman buzzed me in.  She was standing at the top of a steep flight of stairs, and she had no English.  I climbed up to see an absolute hole-in-the-wall, with taped-up windows and a dirty quilt.

I left.

I can't remember what happened at the next place, but  from there I was wandering the streets turning the exact wrong way whenever it was possible to.  Did I mention that the streets were twisting and curvy?  There were also a lot of intersections. When I finally reached a sweet little hotel on a quiet street, I was in no state to deal with any more roadblocks.  So, when the young man with the melting brown eyes said, "I'm sorry, we have no rooms available tonight," I looked at him and said, "I think I'm going to cry."  I didn't think I was serious, but he did, and when he said, "No, don't cry Miss," I found out...yes, I was going to cry.   I gulped and gasped, and he got on the phone and found me a space at the Youth Hostel and a cab to take me there.

I thought I was remembering this, because I am still able to get totally lost, even when I know the place, even when I have my smart phone to tell me the way.  Last week, when V was visiting, she was ready to smack the phone out of my hand:  she had a perfectly good map and was giving me adequate directions.  She thought.  But she was right in that I had no business trying to use the smart phone while I was driving.

It's funny:  in my past life, I would never dream of texting or phoning while I was driving, and I would totally get myself equipped with good maps and directions, or be prepared to spend some time exploring.  But now I've abandoned those skills in favor of the sound-bite, GIS technology.  Google is my guide, and that's a pretty scary thought.

I think I need to find a better guide, and not just for my physical travels.

Today, my therapist took issue with all the "shoulds" yattering in my brain.  I had been whining:  I should make more money, do more creative things during my time off, practise more (well, I SHOULD), be a better friend, etc etc etc.  But then she gave me a Should of her own:  figure out what I Need, what I Want, what I Desire.  Three different things, she says.  (Which makes three more Shoulds....)

After writing this, I think I know what I NEED:  the ability to manage being lost.  I don't know where I am or where I am going.  But I have a pretty good map, guidebook and brain.   And my friends and family are pretty nice concierges, even if they don't have melting brown eyes and an Italian accent.

So, time to explore.