Gratitude

I've been musing a lot about negativity and gratitude.  Doctors, inspirational speakers, and laymen all seem to agree that negativity can cause everything from heart attack to bad skin to a generally lousy life, while "attitudes of gratitude" can get you perfect health, wealth, and happiness, and maybe even turn back global warming.

I exaggerate, of course.

But why is it that when D is negative, he considers himself to be "injecting some reality" into the conversation, and when I am negative he wants to nominate me for Hyperbole Magazine's Woman of the Year?  It's the nature of the beast, I suspect.  Negativity is in the eye of the recipient.

Still, in the long run, I agree with the gratitude mongers.  Even if it may not be reality, it is a lovely mindset to have.  You see the best of every situation, you walk about the world in a glow of happiness, you are floating in the sea, there are no sharks coming up from the depths.....see there's the rub.  How do you balance awareness with always looking on the bright side of life?

"Plan for the worst and hope for the best."

In fact, gratitude requires that awareness of the shark below.

So, when I got up this morning and found broken glass in the sink and the gas lit under a frying pan on the stove, I had several directions my mind could and did go.  Oh my god, he could have burned down the house.  How long was that on?  Is this why the gas bill was so high this month?  How often does he DO that?  Why did he leave the broken glass in the sink?   But I settled on, Thank God the burner was on low.

Is that gratitude?

I think so.  For me, every impulse of gratitude arises from a knowledge of the flip side of the coin.  I don't think this negates the attitude.  I think good experiences are enhanced by knowing that things could be horrible but, magically, are not.  It is common to say that life is a gift, but it is less easy to see the gift in every moment.

Right now for example:  my toes are wiggling, I am typing words, my dog is lying next to me; there is coffee in the kitchen, knitting underneath me (I must really learn to pick things up before I sit down), the sound of the heater, the sky lightening outside the window.  I can be grateful for toes that wriggle, a laptop, a brain that conceives ideas, fingers that can type, the ability to care for a pet, a house full of good food, the supplies and time and ability to create, heat, and light.   Basics and some wonderful extras.  Or, I can say, my toes are cold (I need to get my socks), why doesn't D bring me the coffee (he's so selfish: I make the coffee why can't he serve me?), Carbon's health is a constant source of worry (I'm a lousy pet owner), I don't have time to be doing this (I am disorganized and selfish), the heater is too noisy (I can't afford a new one).....

But I am grateful for a brain that works.  Dammit.